Recap

Let's see. Let's catch us all up.

Became engaged in May. Hooray!

Broke off the engagement in September. Boo!

Now looking to move out on my own in NYC. Yikes!

I'm in a graduate program that I'm not convinced isn't just an excuse to do SOMETHING with my time. Uh-oh!

My birthday is in 2 days. Crap!

The Flintstones v. The Jetsons

After a long and passionate affair with all things delicious and unhealthy, I've decided to try to eat in a healthy manner and make it my lifestyle. It's this last part that's always toughest. The lifestyle thing requires more than just popping things into your mouth (within the diet guidelines) at random. It means I have to make efforts to try new recipes and integrate new things into my diet so that I don't get bored.

I'm a foodie, no doubt. Take me to a restaurant and I can eat anything on the menu and enjoy it. The flavors and textures combine to give me an experience that can only be described as other worldly. My bf doesn't quite understand this. If it were up to him, he'd take a capsule at every meal as long as it contained all his nutritional needs, a la The Jetsons. No lie, these are his words not mine.

I've tried a lower carb diet in the past and found out a few things from the experience. One is that the way that I physically feel after my meals cannot compare to how I feel after one of my "regular" carb-filled meals. I'm light and I have more energy all around. I do go through a carb craving phase but that passes and soon I don't really crave them anymore.

Now here's the second thing I learn, and the downfall to the whole "let's try to make it a lifestyle not a diet" thing. Although I don't miss the carbs themselves (i.e. I don't see a piece of cake and salivate at the mere glance), I do miss the textures. I miss the feel of rice under my chicken and the graininess of bread with a little butter. I've found the solution. I guess I had to learn to actually put some effort into this thing instead of trying to take the lazy route. There are only so many bags of veggies and deli meat rolls a person can handle.

I've taken to the web and to the cookbooks and, most importantly, I've taken to the kitchen. Yes, me, the hater of all things cooking-related. I found recipes for Mock Mashed Potatoes where the spuds are replaced by cauliflower and even a recipe for low carb rice with the same substitution. Not bad. I'm getting the psychological need for these starches met and I'm adhering to the healthy guidelines. Also, just made Flax meal bread which is all fiber and Omega-3 and there's my need for bread-y texture, met.

We'll see how this goes. In the meantime, here are some pictures of a few of my "food creations" so far. For someone who abhorred even making a simple chicken breast on the stove, I think I'm doing alright.

Bye Bye, Babydoll

I'm in a fashion rut. I'm actually afraid that it's becoming more of an identity crisis so let's see if I can figure it all out on here. If I had to describe my "look" throughout the years I'd say that it vacillated between cute and girly during the day (think headbands and pink babydoll cotton pique tops with jeans) and Classically alluring (think short black skirt with a blousy top or short high necked dress and heels) at night. I think that the Classically alluring look could still work out if I were actually still going out a lot which I'm not. That's a whole other post but let's leave evening outfits where they are for the moment. The real dilemma is in my day wear/identity.

New Yorkers are a fashionably diverse bunch and one might even suggest that "everything goes" in the city. While this may in fact be true, I don't really like sticking out like a sore thumb. With that in mind, most of my Miami colors (think guava, turquoise, pink, cream) would be quite the contrast against the concrete and glass cityscape. Not a pastel building or bright green palm tree to be seen here. Nope.

So I've tried to focus on neutral, dark colors with splashes of color here and there. The problem is that I need to update my closet and my age (tum tum tuuuuuum) is now coming into play. I find myself wandering through the aisles of Urban Outfitters and H&M searching for some fun, trendy pieces and I'm staring at myself in the dressing room mirror feeling like the younger style just doesn't suit my personality anymore. "Is this headband too early 20s for me?" "Do I look like I'm trying to look younger than my age?" There is nothing I hate more than older women trying to look younger via their fashion choices. "Am I holding on to this 'cute little girl' image too long?" "Who the hell am I?" Hmph.

This leads me into different stores where maybe I can find classic pieces that will suit my age better. The problem is twofold, a) price tags are reaching great, great heights, and b) this style might not be comfortable either. It's very clear that as you get older, clothes get pricier and pricier. I guess they're assuming that I'm making more money now. I am in my early 30s after all, right? Aaaaaah, little do they know that I will be struggling for quite some time.

Okay, deep breaths. Neck rolls to the left, neck rolls to the right. I'm suddenly staring at myself in the dressing room mirror again and this time I see a youngish mom who juggles her career and hosts trendy dinner parties in her West Village apartment and I'm not quite there yet, either! The inevitable question that follows is, "shouldn't I be there by now, though?".

Admittedly, I've never been good at all this fashion stuff but it sure was a lot easier when I was in my 20s. Forever 21 in a cinch and I'd look perfectly cute and acceptable. A disposable sexy top with a short denim skirt and a headband. Out the door I go.

There's the issue. "Cute" just isn't gonna cut it anymore and yet older, sexier, more confident looks don't seem quite right for me yet either. You'd think I'd be heading in the right direction but I just got my first Chuck Taylors and I've been eyeing my short dress and legging combination for spring, already. Aw shucks, maybe I'll throw a headband in for good measure.

No, I Did Not Make Any Resolutions.

Here it is, the new year. So full of hope and -- well, just hope. Last year was a struggle so I'm hoping (there's that word again) that this year will bring better things and more stability. Seeing as how the bf has no job and I'm hoping to go back to school in the fall, I don't see the stability in my future but let's just HOPE for the best. :)

On to resolutions. I haven't made any but I'm definitely being asked about them often enough. I hate resolutions. "Go to the gym at least 3 times a week, read a book a month (I already do that one but I'm just using examples here), lose 10 pounds, go to church more, etc..." These are all recipes for disaster, in my book. I am the kind of person that a) can get very down on herself if given the fodder, and b) believes in a life without too many straight paths.

Let's look at "a". There is no better fuel for a debbie downer moment than realizing that it's October and I haven't really kept up with any of my resolutions. I figure if you're a positive person you can find a way to rationalize to yourself why you haven't accomplished your goals or you might just take that measly attempt to hit the gym back in the first quarter of the year as a "good enough effort". I mean, at least you tried, right? I'm not like that. I try not to delude myself. I look at the failure as yet another thing that I can't seem to do to completion. I don't need that kind of letdown in my life. I will not set myself up for disappointment.

As for "b", I imagine people are thinking that maybe this is an excuse for not making goals in life and accomplishing things. Maybe you're right but I think there's a lot more to it. Life can be very adventurous and can bring you completely unexpected turns. I find a lot more joy in just surfing the wave of life instead of pre-planning the itinerary before I've gotten there. This isn't the way a lot of people live their lives but I find a lot more peace in just letting things happen as they will. Now don't take me for a complete bum. I do take steps towards the things I need to accomplish but I do these in my own time and not necessarily once a year with a 364 day deadline looming above me.

So it's about hope and surfing the wave of life, huh? Okay then. I'm going to HOPE that 2010 brings a lot of positive things my way and that it doesn't throw as many crazy obstacles my way.

(i.e. I'd better catch a great big wave this year.)