Icy Waters

Have you ever felt like you were passing through a glacier or an icy cave in a large boat, just making your way slowly through and it is chilly as all hell? You're an absolute freak if you said yes.

But if I were to go on this adventure, this is what would be playing in the background. It is eerie but gorgeous.

"In The Air III" by Tim Hecker

http://open.spotify.com/track/2n9kQHXlkm0PZWJ0e5BDzj

The Tourist

Mother arrives tomorrow. A week with mother. I think this could be a good thing. I don't want her having to stay in this filthy hippie commune that I call home so we're staying at a hotel most of the nights. At least Mom can handle seeing these hippies. My Dad would go into a lecture the second we walked back onto the street. "I mean, those people are WEIRD, honey."

Anyhow, on the agenda (and yes, I created an excel spreadsheet), is Chinatown, Little Italy, the Statue of Liberty, a trip to Woodstock to see the hippies I actually enjoy, Morton's for dinner, Central Park, St. Patrick's Cathedral for mass, rooftop brunch, and exhaustion. I did insert exhaustion as an activity because you have to make time for that. You have to be realistic.

I have been on an eating mission from hell. No matter what, I can't seem to get things under control. I tried a juice cleanse last week that tasted like dirt and left me completely spacey. Some claim to feel "clear-headed" afterwards. I say, of course, you're drinking nothing but sugar water all day! Anyhow, this week with Mom will involve much food so I guess I should think about beginning my diet next week.

Off to bed. Mother arrives tomorrow!

LOL

Let's just laugh out loud for a bit, shall we?

http://theoatmeal.com/quiz/plotting_eat

Whirlwind

So, I trudge along in NY. I'm now living in an interesting little setup in Harlem. Interesting because I have an unemployed 36 year old roommate who goes out at all hours of the night and another roommate who doesn't seem to participate in the rental payment agreement. Other than that, things are good! No, really, they are.

I've made some new friends at school that I'm really lucky to have met. These are a great bunch of girls and I'm even heading to Austin, TX with two of them in about a month. Living in the city has been really amazing and that's with no money so imagine what I could do with an actual income!

My ex moved to Nashville, TN last month and it's been very strange without him. We really shared so many interests. Now, I'll just have to learn to do things on my own a little bit more, which really can't be a bad lesson to learn anyhow. I'm thinking a lot lately about how my life seems to always take twists and turns (hence the title of this blog). I think I actually don't like steady stability as much as I appear to long for it. Will I ever settle down and just do the same things and live in the same spot forever? The thought terrifies me.

Recap

Let's see. Let's catch us all up.

Became engaged in May. Hooray!

Broke off the engagement in September. Boo!

Now looking to move out on my own in NYC. Yikes!

I'm in a graduate program that I'm not convinced isn't just an excuse to do SOMETHING with my time. Uh-oh!

My birthday is in 2 days. Crap!

The Flintstones v. The Jetsons

After a long and passionate affair with all things delicious and unhealthy, I've decided to try to eat in a healthy manner and make it my lifestyle. It's this last part that's always toughest. The lifestyle thing requires more than just popping things into your mouth (within the diet guidelines) at random. It means I have to make efforts to try new recipes and integrate new things into my diet so that I don't get bored.

I'm a foodie, no doubt. Take me to a restaurant and I can eat anything on the menu and enjoy it. The flavors and textures combine to give me an experience that can only be described as other worldly. My bf doesn't quite understand this. If it were up to him, he'd take a capsule at every meal as long as it contained all his nutritional needs, a la The Jetsons. No lie, these are his words not mine.

I've tried a lower carb diet in the past and found out a few things from the experience. One is that the way that I physically feel after my meals cannot compare to how I feel after one of my "regular" carb-filled meals. I'm light and I have more energy all around. I do go through a carb craving phase but that passes and soon I don't really crave them anymore.

Now here's the second thing I learn, and the downfall to the whole "let's try to make it a lifestyle not a diet" thing. Although I don't miss the carbs themselves (i.e. I don't see a piece of cake and salivate at the mere glance), I do miss the textures. I miss the feel of rice under my chicken and the graininess of bread with a little butter. I've found the solution. I guess I had to learn to actually put some effort into this thing instead of trying to take the lazy route. There are only so many bags of veggies and deli meat rolls a person can handle.

I've taken to the web and to the cookbooks and, most importantly, I've taken to the kitchen. Yes, me, the hater of all things cooking-related. I found recipes for Mock Mashed Potatoes where the spuds are replaced by cauliflower and even a recipe for low carb rice with the same substitution. Not bad. I'm getting the psychological need for these starches met and I'm adhering to the healthy guidelines. Also, just made Flax meal bread which is all fiber and Omega-3 and there's my need for bread-y texture, met.

We'll see how this goes. In the meantime, here are some pictures of a few of my "food creations" so far. For someone who abhorred even making a simple chicken breast on the stove, I think I'm doing alright.

Bye Bye, Babydoll

I'm in a fashion rut. I'm actually afraid that it's becoming more of an identity crisis so let's see if I can figure it all out on here. If I had to describe my "look" throughout the years I'd say that it vacillated between cute and girly during the day (think headbands and pink babydoll cotton pique tops with jeans) and Classically alluring (think short black skirt with a blousy top or short high necked dress and heels) at night. I think that the Classically alluring look could still work out if I were actually still going out a lot which I'm not. That's a whole other post but let's leave evening outfits where they are for the moment. The real dilemma is in my day wear/identity.

New Yorkers are a fashionably diverse bunch and one might even suggest that "everything goes" in the city. While this may in fact be true, I don't really like sticking out like a sore thumb. With that in mind, most of my Miami colors (think guava, turquoise, pink, cream) would be quite the contrast against the concrete and glass cityscape. Not a pastel building or bright green palm tree to be seen here. Nope.

So I've tried to focus on neutral, dark colors with splashes of color here and there. The problem is that I need to update my closet and my age (tum tum tuuuuuum) is now coming into play. I find myself wandering through the aisles of Urban Outfitters and H&M searching for some fun, trendy pieces and I'm staring at myself in the dressing room mirror feeling like the younger style just doesn't suit my personality anymore. "Is this headband too early 20s for me?" "Do I look like I'm trying to look younger than my age?" There is nothing I hate more than older women trying to look younger via their fashion choices. "Am I holding on to this 'cute little girl' image too long?" "Who the hell am I?" Hmph.

This leads me into different stores where maybe I can find classic pieces that will suit my age better. The problem is twofold, a) price tags are reaching great, great heights, and b) this style might not be comfortable either. It's very clear that as you get older, clothes get pricier and pricier. I guess they're assuming that I'm making more money now. I am in my early 30s after all, right? Aaaaaah, little do they know that I will be struggling for quite some time.

Okay, deep breaths. Neck rolls to the left, neck rolls to the right. I'm suddenly staring at myself in the dressing room mirror again and this time I see a youngish mom who juggles her career and hosts trendy dinner parties in her West Village apartment and I'm not quite there yet, either! The inevitable question that follows is, "shouldn't I be there by now, though?".

Admittedly, I've never been good at all this fashion stuff but it sure was a lot easier when I was in my 20s. Forever 21 in a cinch and I'd look perfectly cute and acceptable. A disposable sexy top with a short denim skirt and a headband. Out the door I go.

There's the issue. "Cute" just isn't gonna cut it anymore and yet older, sexier, more confident looks don't seem quite right for me yet either. You'd think I'd be heading in the right direction but I just got my first Chuck Taylors and I've been eyeing my short dress and legging combination for spring, already. Aw shucks, maybe I'll throw a headband in for good measure.